Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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