You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
