Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
