Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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