Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
