take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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