Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
