His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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