My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
