well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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