I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
