i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
