CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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