All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
