Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize