I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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