anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
false alarm. still invincible.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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