I haven't been this sober since birth.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
