Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
