if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
