don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
vagina is talking i cant
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
