she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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