I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
