Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
