This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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