I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
