Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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