I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
