Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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