Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
