My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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