So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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