I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
