Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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