You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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