my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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