All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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