If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
