Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
