Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
