i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
