i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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