Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was confusing and full of hummus
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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