i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
