corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
