I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
