are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
