Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize