u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
