I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
