He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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