whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
