I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
