her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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