so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize