I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
