Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
