Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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