She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
