yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
