thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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