I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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