he puts the penis in happiness.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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