once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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