I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
