We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
