my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
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Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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