i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
