she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
