have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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