I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
